It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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