I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
