I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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