he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You are the jesus of drinking
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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