You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
