guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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