____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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