Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
