I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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