R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
