she peed on how many people?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
