Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
