Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I could fuck to npr.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
