Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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