ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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