U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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