you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My feet surprised me
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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