every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
