2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
