Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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