what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
