I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Randomize
