If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
