I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
