I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
