I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
