I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
