it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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