Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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