just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
