He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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