I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
