we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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