She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
