Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I am available for nakedness
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
