Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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