Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
