The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
