I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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