got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
