We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
