at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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