the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I think your dad took our porno
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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