Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
