I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
