I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
