I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
