I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
