I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
birth control should be required to get into college
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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