I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
