what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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