Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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