So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
