Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
