Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
