If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
