come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
