Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
