I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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