Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
